The Glee actor, who is hosting this year's Emmy awards, shares her thoughts on homophobia, alcoholism and an impulsive nature
You're not going to change people's minds about bullying and homophobia. But you can tend to the people who are at the brunt of people's abuse or neglect. That's what Glee does. Hang in there, it gets better. Look for your people. You gotta find your people, just like those kids found glee club. I'm thrilled to be part of it. It's very empowering.
I feel like I was struck sober. One moment I was a drinker and the next I wasn't. It was almost like a fairy tapped me on the head. I poured my glass of wine down the sink and I haven't had one since.
Sexual orientation doesn't mean anything out here in Hollywood. Ellen [DeGeneres] and Melissa Etheridge and Rosie O'Donnell – everybody before me who had the courage to stand up and say: "America, you love me, but I'm also gay" – I love that they did that. It made it easy for me. But here I know tons of gay people, so when you get out there and you hear about people suffering at the hands of homophobia, it's shocking.
It took two or three years of banging my head against the wall, waking up hungover and projectile vomiting, to come to a point of awakening. Then one day the flower of sobriety just burst through the ground.
My wife is smart as a whip. She's a psychologist and she knows how to ask questions to get to the deeper truth. She's very calm and patient, and I'm not. I think I taught her to have a great deal of anxiety!
I have a spontaneous, impulsive nature. It's who I am, but now it's tempered with a bit of mature patience, and it makes me a nicer person to be around.
I've learned to wait. My wife's been co-writing my autobiography and she won't be forced to do something faster than she can, so it's been a real challenge and I consider things more deeply now. That's been very good for me.
The best piece of advice I ever received was from a woman who wouldn't even remember who I am. A teacher in college grabbed me by the shoulder and said, "You have to learn to let things roll off your back." That's all I remember about her, but it really stuck with me.
Carol Burnett is my hero. I knew I wanted to do ensemble comedy from watching the Carol Burnett Show when I was growing up. I was in my trailer on the first day of Glee, and there was a knock on my trailer. Carol said: "Jane?" and she came bounding up the stairs and gave me a huge hug. I thought: what have I done to be such a good person to deserve this?
My greatest achievement in life is my relationship, and hanging in there.
In AA they say: "Don't leave before the miracle happens." It's about getting past the small petty parts of a relationship and allowing the deeper levels to emerge. The really good friendships that I have – you have to get past the ego and the pettiness so you can get to the deep stuff.
I've had to learn how to try not to change every frickin' thing in my path. I've definitely made a huge step in that evolution, but there's always more to learn.
The new series of Glee is on Thursdays at 9pm on Sky 1 HD from 22 September
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